Features
Sex and the Campus: Butt Stuff
By Kate Cieplicki ’16
April 7, 2016
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As my senior year and time as your resident sexpert comes to a close, I want to make sure that I don’t leave one area of sex unexplored: anal sex. I’ve hesitated to write about anal play and anal sex because it’s a difficult topic to tackle and one that I am relatively unfamiliar with. I also hate the way the word “anal” sounds TBH. Despite my reservations, I’ve heard from friends that butt play can be pretty fun and sexy, especially with a partner you trust, so I vowed to check it out.
Following my research I decided to split this article into two sections: tips for superficial anal play and tips for penetrative anal sex. I hope this article encourages you to overcome the booty taboo and spice up your bedroom with some butt-based pleasure.
Superficial play
If butt penetration isn’t for you or you’re new to the whole idea of booty play in the bedroom I recommend starting with what I call superficial anal play. Anal play is beneficial because it helps you associate positive sexual feelings with your booty and prevents the terrifying situation in which the first time you try anything butt-related, someone sticks something up it.
For me, the easiest place to reconsider the butthole as sexy is in the shower because I know for a fact that all is well down there. To start exploring the sensations associated with your booty try massaging it gently with soap and water in the shower or even just letting hot water run over it. It’s also way less awkward to first explore booty sensations alone than with a partner. You don’t need to orgasm from this touching (you most likely won’t) or even feel an overwhelming amount of pleasure; you just have to see your butt as capable of experiencing something other than going #2.
Once you’ve explored butt pleasure on your own, consider integrating a partner. It’s a little more difficult to propose anal play during a hook-up (especially since your hook-up may not have had time to prepare) so I would recommend that your first experience is with a long-term partner or consistent hook-up if at all possible. As is true of solo butt play, your experience with a partner will be much better if you know you are clean! You don’t have to go wild with this, just use warm water and soap to thoroughly clean yourself and make sure the foreplay is soon after your shower. If you’re still concerned with cleanliness you can try to use dental dams, which are in the health center and in drug stores. This is just a sheet of clear paper that goes over your anus. Dental dams are cool because they have flavors that can help you forget that you’re eating booty and they protect against STDs.
Once you’re prepped with a shower and/or a dental dam, there are a couple of ways for your partner to stimulate your anus in a non-penetrative way and vice-versa. You can use the pad of your finger or your tongue to trace the rim of your partner’s anus. Explore what feels good for your partner and vocalize what feels good for you so your partner doesn’t feel lost down there. Though it requires some coordination, it may help to incorporate other sexual stimulation. Just be sure to not move your fingers from the anus to your partner’s genitals as this can cause a UTI.
Penetration
If you find anal foreplay really pleasurable, you may want to consider incorporating penetrative anal sex into your bedroom activities. There is more preparatory work involved in penetrative anal sex than there is in superficial anal play. First and foremost, obviously make sure that you have had a recent and complete bowel movement before beginning any sort of penetrative anal sex. Also, as with anal foreplay, be sure that you are clean down there (even stick a finger up your butt in the shower to be sure!).
Before you begin penetrative sex with a partner you may want to consider using butt plugs. Many sex toy stores sell butt plugs in kits so you can start out with a smaller one and work your way up to larger sizes. Use plenty of lube when putting these suckers in and don’t leave them in for more than 2-3 hours to prevent scary internal damage. Also make sure you don’t use butt plugs made of glass as these can shatter inside of you. The best butt plugs I’ve seen have an indent where your sphincter is to prevent the toy from getting lost inside of you. That is not an EMT call you want to make. Though I guess I just made butt plugs sound super scary, they’re really not that bad and can help you prepare for penetrative anal sex. Just be smart about using them, listen to your body and you’ll be fine.
Not only can butt plugs be used to prepare for anal sex, but they can also be left in during sexual intercourse. For people with vaginas this can provide a “filled up” feeling during sex that some people find pleasurable. For people with penises, certain butt plugs can stimulate the prostrate. Aside from small butt plugs, fingers are the least intrusive and awkward way to experiment with stimulation. When coupled with lube (and short fingernails), they can be used to stimulate the prostrate, warm up a partner for larger penetration or to create a similar feeling of fullness that butt plugs provide. Try a finger up the butt and see if you or your partner likes it!
In the hierarchy of butt stuff (and in my humble opinion) if you liked superficial anal play and you liked penetration from a butt plug or finger then (AND ONLY THEN) are you ready to try something bigger. Something bigger in this context could be a penis or a dildo. For penises, I would recommend wearing a condom to be safe. Of course the tricky thing about these objects entering butt land, besides an increased risk of STDs, is that they won’t just chill like a butt plug or (most people’s) fingers. They will actively go in and out. As was true of butt plugs and fingers, lube is essential for this kind of play. Also be sure to start slow if you are the giver. You don’t want to hurt your partner. If you are the receiver, communicate! Anal sex is not supposed to hurt and if it hurts that can be a bad sign. Just relax and have fun.
One more thing to be aware of during penetration: if you decide to switch from the butt to another orifice (e.g., vagina, mouth) be sure to clean up or change condoms. As I mentioned above, going from back to front greatly increases one’s chance of UTIs. Don’t risk a UTI in the heat of the moment. You will regret it in the morning on your way to Hannaford to pick up cranberry juice. That being said, other sorts of stimulation with fingers and mouth can be really arousing during penetrative anal sex. Play with your partner’s genitals or nipples, kiss their neck or pull their hair if they’re into it. This is supposed to be a sexy thing you are doing, so make it sexy!
While it can be scary to bring up anal sex to a partner and even scarier to try it for the first time, I encourage you to give it a chance. Worst-case scenario, it’s awkward and not for you and you can try again later at a different time and/or with a different partner. Best-case scenario you discover new pleasurable activities to incorporate into your sex life. I’d say the pros outweigh the cons, don’t you think?