Features
Sex & the Campus: BDSM
By Hannah O’Grady ’17
February 9, 2017
Tags features
Hi again! In honor of the upcoming release of Fifty Shades Darker (the second movie in the Fifty Shades trilogy), I will be discussing BDSM! For those of you who don’t know, BDSM, a form of erotic play, is an acronym made up of a series of combinations of words: bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S) and sadism and masochism (S&M). When you think of BDSM, you may conjure up images of blindfolds, ropes, handcuffs, and the like. However, due to this extensive acronym, BDSM can mean a variety of things for different people. Therefore, drop all previous notions that you may have had of BDSM, including the portrayal you may have seen in Fifty Shades of Grey.
Before delving into toys/ props and ways you can incorporate BDSM into your own sexual life, I will start off with some basic, but necessary, facts about this style of sexual play. First of all, and most importantly, consent is central to BDSM. Prior to engaging in BDSM, it is not uncommon for the people involved to sit down and discuss what sexual activities they will be engaging in. As stated, BDSM can mean a wide range of things to different people. For example, perhaps some people are into more simple forms of BDSM, such as spanking and being tied up, while others may be into hot wax and leather masks.
Due to this wide range of BDSM activities, it is important to discuss what activities your partner finds mutually enjoyable, as well as any boundaries that you may have. Some people may even discuss ‘safe words’ that they may use while engaging in BDSM; this predetermined ‘safe word’ indicates that someone has met their boundary in regards to their comforts, or they would like the current activity to stop. Therefore, unlike Fifty Shades of Grey may have portrayed, consent is constant and integral to BDSM.
One last clarification I would like to make is that those who practice BDSM are not “unstable” people who have experienced abuse or mental pain in the past, which is a stereotype I have heard several times. Rather, BDSM can be practiced by anyone, and you’d be surprised to learn who engages in it. While working in a sex shop in Amsterdam, I was introduced to so many different people who engaged in BDSM. You don’t even need to enjoy pain or suffering to engage in such a practice!
Okay, now that I have gotten some misunderstandings out of the way, it’s time to discuss ways that you can incorporate BDSM into your own sex life. Just to clarify, BDSM does not have to involve sex, but rather, you can set hard limits in regards to what type of sexual activity you’d like to do. The sex shop that I worked out sold a wide variety of props/toys for those engaging in BDSM, ranging from full leather outfits to hot wax you can pour on your partner. If you’re really interested in delving deep into BDSM, it would not hurt to do some research and read a book or two on this topic; it’ll make your experience more comfortable and enjoyable in the end. If it interests you and your partner, you can start off with one person blindfolded while experiencing a variety of acts, such as light spanking or tickling with a feather. It’s also important to figure out what aspects of BDSM you are into; do you enjoy being the submissive partner, dominant partner, or do you like switching? Do you enjoy receiving sexual pain, inflicting pain, or both? Once you’ve tried out things such as blindfolding or handcuffing, you can introduce ropes, floggers, whippers, or other toys. As stated above, you can even delve into costumes, such as leather outfits and masks.
I’d offer you up more suggestions in regards to how to incorporate BDSM into your own sex life, but, due to the wide variety of activities BDSM covers, there is no universal “right” way to practice. Therefore, I encourage you to go out and (safely) explore!