Features
Sex Abroad: Sex(uality) shop lessons
By Hannah O'Grady '17
September 8, 2016
Tags features
When I told people that I had interned at a sex shop while studying abroad in Amsterdam, I received a wide variety of responses. My friends supported me and asked questions about my experience; my mom asked if I had participated in live sex demonstrations; and my grandparents fell quiet.
Despite these responses, I persevered, determined to bring my passion for sexuality and sex-positive feminism to a whole new level. I realize that not everyone reading this will be presented with this kind of opportunity, so I’ve decided to compile a list of lessons that I learned from working in a high-end sex shop in the Netherlands.
It’s okay to be curious and explore your sexuality.
The sex shop specialized in selling a large variety of sex toys for all audiences, such as bondage and role-playing equipment, lingerie, vibrators, feminist porn, massage candles and much more. Because of our large and varied selection, I met all types of people while working in the sex shop, which was undoubtedly a highlight of my experience.
One of my most memorable experiences was of an elderly couple confidently strolling in, looking to try out some bondage and role-playing equipment, as well as feminist porn videos.
Another time, a young woman tried on a full leather outfit from head to toe, complete with leather cat ears.
Many of the customers coming into the store were all looking to try out something completely new to change up their sex life, and it was great to see all of them so confident in themselves as sexual beings. This isn’t something I necessarily see every day on the Hamilton campus.
The sex shop also held a variety of workshops for their sexually curious customers. My personal favorite was the hand job workshop. I’ll never forget standing in front of an audience with a massive rubber dildo and lube, demonstrating hand job movements while the crowd followed along.
Masturbation is normal and healthy
Our best selling products in the store were vibrators and dildos, of which we had over 50. These toys came in all shapes and sizes, and the workers were expected to become experts. I was lectured on the material of the vibrators, the motor speed, battery life, the number of vibration settings, cleaning tips and much more.
My favorite customers were always those who were coming in to buy their first dildo or vibrator after finally gaining confidence and coming to terms with their sexual feelings. The customers would always come in slightly shy and intimidated at first (we have a wide selection) but would leave with a large smile and new toy in hand, sometimes even cradling it like a newborn baby.
It was so important to me that many customers came to terms with the idea that masturbation is healthy and completely normal. Here in America, I often encounter stigma surrounding masturbation, particularly female masturbation and orgasm.
However, masturbation has been linked to a variety of health benefits, such as increased self-esteem and easier ability to sleep, as well as reduced levels of anxiety and negative body image. Masturbation has even been shown to ease the pain of period cramps. Furthermore, exploring your body through masturbation leads to an understanding of where and how you like to be touched.
Being a sexual person is completely normal and should be embraced.
My favorite thing about Amsterdam was the normative and positive approach that the culture takes towards sexuality. Prior to coming to Amsterdam, I was often confronted with stigma surrounding sexuality, often in the form of “slut shaming.” At times, I have found this extremely hard to come to terms with, which has led to feelings of shame and embarrassment.
However, the mission of this sex shop was to provide a safe space for everyone to gain freedom and confidence to explore their sexuality. Through this shop’s mission and workshops, as well as through open discussion with workers and customers, I gained new understandings of myself as a sexual person. I think that more people need to realize that their feelings revolving around sexuality are not something to be ashamed of.
Whether you consider yourself asexual or extremely sexual, it is important that you remove the shame and embarrassment that you may have linked to these feelings. What you are feeling is not abnormal, and this realization is crucial to your happiness and your sexual growth.