Features
Horoscope: you are where you live
By Grant Hamilton ’18
September 8, 2016
Tags features
Due to the temporary misplacement of my astrological charts, this week’s horoscopes are based on students’ dorms. I understand that it may seem silly to predict future events based on one’s housing and not the movement of celestial objects, but let me assure you that divine communication is kind of my thing. So please, take a few minutes to check what you and your housemates have in store for the day.
Staying informed in such manners really pay off, especially when attending the only NESCAC located on a planetary chakra.
Dunham: Today you might spin your Hamilton College lanyard as you ask an upperclassman where Bundy Dining Hall is, and when it stops serving late-night breakfast. It is also pretty safe to assume that your communal bathrooms will be nasty come Sunday morning. Be cautious of who you trust and wear sandals in the shower.
One Anderson Road: A wave of inspiration may grab hold of you, even inspiring you to find use for a large common room in a sub-free dorm. Know that it will take way more cardboard than you may expect to build a fort of that size.
Bundy Hall: No progress will be made today on your proposal to build an on-campus gondola lift. Now may be the time to start researching snowshoe options.
Woollcott Co-op: Tonight you could eat such student-made dishes as pork chops, spaghetti and garden salad. Not a big spaghetti fan? Fine, then don’t eat any.
Commons Dining Hall Attic: Melvin, although you are a peaceful man who only wishes to scavenge leftover pizza, they will never understand. Remain in hiding for the foreseeable future. Also, be advised that the pepperoni pizza today is prime—fill your pockets, brave soul.
Rogers Estate: You might have to do a lot of walking to get home at the end of today.
Babbitt Hall: Look out—Melvin’s right behind you! Just kidding! But seriously, you should give the guy a chance. Maybe slip him a few slices of pepperoni through a Commons air vent. It would mean a lot to him.
Keehn Hall and Root Hall: You will both receive the same horoscope because I can’t tell your dorms apart. Your horoscope then? It is looking like a slow day. Just do you.
Milbank: You may use proximity to your dorm as an excuse for wearing pajamas in the McEwen dining hall. If so, comfy fabrics and sweet potato cakes are in your near future. Proceed with caution.
Wertimer House: Although you usually spend free time relaxing with your hermit crab, today you will engage with a fellow housemate. You will either tell him or her about how much work you get done living in such a quiet dorm or just ramble on about your hermit crab again.
Ferguson House: The package you ordered may arrive at the Mail Center today. Or it may not. You should probably go online and check the delivery tracker to be sure.
Root Farmhouse: After two weeks of uncertainty, your suspicions about why they are tearing down the dorm will be confirmed: the Farmhouse is haunted. But you cannot allow fear to dictate your life; this is the time to stand up against sources of anxiety. Politely ask the spirit not to practice playing trombone during the dorm’s quiet hours.
Griffin Road Apartments: Today is a good day to invite me to the party you are planning for Saturday. Please? I promise not to do any card tricks this time.
Crow Aviary: Haha, you are a bird! Do you hold The Spectator up with your wings, or do you just lay it out on the ground? Challenge yourself as you continue learning to read—be the bird you always wanted to be. Also, ample walnuts and grubs are in your future.