Features
Bachelor: Jonny Hacker ’20
By Spec Staff
January 26, 2017
Tags features
Hometown: Albany, N.Y.
Home on Campus: Dunham.
Major: Neuroscience?
Turn On? Wii Bowling.
Turn Off? When she looks like she smells like eggs.
If you were a dorm which would you be and why? The Farmhouse because it’s closing just like the window of time to find a mate for the season.
If you had to describe yourself as the love child of any two musicians, whom would you pick and why? Jaden and Willow Smith hahahaha.
Lights on or off? Off (with night light ambiance).
What advertising slogan best describes your life? “The cool refreshing taste of Pepsi Max.”
What TV genre best describes you? Public Access.
What’s the best pick-up line you’ve ever used/had used on you? “Why is Mr. Krabs’ daughter a whale? Yeah me neither, so where are you from?”
What’s the last lie you told? “The Bee Movie was just OK.”
What’s the meaning of life? Tony Morrison’s vagina.
Which American historical figure are you most attracted to and why? Beyoncé right when she married Jay-Z because I know it’s wrong but at the same time it would be so right.
If you could join one group on campus, what would it be? Curling.
What’s your patronus and why? Aaron Hernandez because of his aesthetic.
If you could break one rule at Hamilton and get away with it, which would you choose? I’d replace all of the trees on campus with concrete poles painted to look like trees.
Who would you say is your campus crush? That girl in my class who unconsciously taps her leg really fast but it moves against her backpack so it makes a loud velcro sound. That sh*t’s f*cking annoying.
Who would you say is your faculty crush? Whoever the f*ck my sociology teacher is.
What is the weirdest thing currently in your room? Geese.
If you could remake the points system, what would be the number one offense? Making your snapchat story 11 minutes long.