March 2, 2017
Hometown: Philadelphia, P.A.
Home on Campus: Physically Milbank 29, emotionally I’m ubiquitous.
Turn On? Would die for a connected beard.
Turn Off? When men make eye contact with me.
If you were a dorm which would you be and why? North because of my devotion to the Kardashian-West family.
If you had to describe yourself as the love child of any two musicians, whom would you pick and why? Kesha and Grammy-award winner Martin Scorsese, due to my affection for both wearing glitter at inappropriate times, and Robert De Niro.
What advertising slogan best describes your life? “Fit for royalty but affordable for all.”
What TV genre best describes you? Any Kardashians episode where Kim cries and the others make fun of her for it.
What’s the best pick-up line you’ve ever used/had used on you? I’ve never flirted.
What’s your type? A fool.
What are three things you cannot live without? The existence of very small dogs, the existence of very large dogs, the inspiration I get from Gucci Mane’s Instagram.
What’s the last lie you told? “I’m going to finish this reading tonight.”
If you could join one group on campus, what would it be? The small group of people Angelo Morlani respects.
If you were any social space, what would it be? The world-renowned events space formerly known as the Corner Club (RIP 2013-2014).
Where do you go when you want to be alone? I take a nap so as not to be alone with my thoughts.
What would you give a thumbs up? Beyoncé’s twins.
What would you give a thumbs down? The stress Blue Ivy must feel about the twins.
What’s your patronus and why? Rihanna and that’s between me and her.
If you could break remake the points system, what would be the number one offense? Airdropping Tweety bird memes to strangers in the KJ atrium because Grace Ward needs to be stopped.
Who would you say is your campus crush? My twin muses, Isabel Grieder and Audrey Darnis.
Who would you say is your faculty crush? Vivyan Adair.
Hometown: Ponce, Puerto Rico.
Home on Campus: Kirkland Hall.
Turn On? Lip-biting.
Turn Off? Telling me my jokes suck.
If you were a dorm which would you be and why? Major because Major Key was a great album (DJ Khaled is still hip in 2017, right?)
What advertising slogan best describes your life? “Puerto Rico does it better.”
If you had to describe yourself as the love child of any two musicians, whom would you pick and why? Raised by John Coltrane, Luis Miguel, and Beyoncé. Coltrane cause of smoothness like fine jazz, Miguel because of the beautiful moments and Beyoncé because who wouldn’t wanna be related to Beyoncé.
What TV genre best describes you? A blend of surreal comedy, black comedy and thriller.
What’s your type? Beautiful smile, cute laugh and genuine heart.
What’s the best pick-up line you’ve ever used/had used on you? “If you were burger in the McDonalds menu, you’d be the McGorgeous.”
If you were any social space, what would it be? Babbit common rooms, because they lit.
Where do you go when you want to be alone? Into bed.
If you could join one group on campus, what would it be? I’m in everything I wanna be in. #noregrets.
What’s your patronus and why? An otter because otters are lit.
If you could break one rule at Hamilton and get away with it, which would you choose? Excessive noise. I love my Salsa and Reggeaton music playing loud.
What are three things you cannot live without? My chain, coffee and Spotify.
Where do you go when you want to be alone? For a walk with a dog.
What’s the weirdest thing currently in your room? Two actual plants, named Patrice and Leonardo; I promise you, though, I did not name them.
What whould you say is your campus crush? Mac-and-cheese days at diner.
What would you say is your faculty crush? The entire History Department is bae, to be honest.
What would you give a thumbs down? disliking memes... and “alternative facts.”
On the next installment of Bachelorette and Bachelor: it could be YOU. Interested? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.