Features
5 Rules to play the hook-up culture game
By Lo Sniderman ’19
September 22, 2016
Tags features
Maybe this article caught your eye because you’re not quite sure what the hookup culture is. Maybe you’re well aware of the hookup culture and are simply looking to sharpen your skills in the world of emotional detachedness and one night stands. Either way, it’s 2016 and you’re in college, which mean that you’re surrounded by the hookup culture and its strange effects on the way that students interact.
These effects are less than subtle. You might have a friend who has consistently hooked up with the same person for weeks, months or even years, yet refuses to accept the label of “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” due to the social expectation to remain uncommitted. Maybe you or a friend has felt the anxiety of a text sent too soon or one that’s too “aggressive” because it said something along the lines of “let’s hangout soon.” Rather than rejecting this bizarre unspoken social code, let’s analyze a few of its most common guidelines. Adapt or die, right? Here’s how to play the game of the hookup culture.
Timely responses—NOT ALLOWED.
Texting a reply in a timely manner, much like the response time that you think normal for a face-to-face conversation, is absolutely against the rules. Timely responses have a few consequences that will jeopardize your standing in the game—the first being your perceived interest in the other person.
Responding right after you receive a text from that girl you hooked up with last night might give her the impression that you want to hook up again—or worse—that you actually like her. She might also think that you’re a phone-obsessed recluse that has spent the duration of your day in a dark room, staring at your phone screen, awaiting a text that has finally— finally!—come. Let’s avoid this.
To be safe, you should wait approximately 2.3 hours between response time. If you’re feeling really confident, an hour buffer period should suffice.
Delayed Repeat of Service
Did you have a great time with them? Good. Now reach out to them. In a month.
Wow, last night was great. Not only was the hookup better than average for a one night stand, but you two actually engaged in discourse that was—dare I say?—interesting. It’s that exciting period of not being able to wait until you see him again, but that’s actually exactly what you’ll have to do. Reaching out to him too soon after your first hookup will pollute his mind with commitment-anxiety, and that’s something all players should avoid.
Downdress to impress.
You don’t have to try so hard. Actually, you have to not try so hard. That guy you hooked up with last weekend is in two of your classes, and there’s real potential for another coincidental, late-night run in with each other, as long as he knows that you’re not trying to make it happen.
This means ditch the makeup and dress you really want him to see, and exchange them for athletic shorts and a sweatshirt. Not only will he think that you’re too cool to care, he might also think that you just worked out or participated in some other socially acceptable activity.
Dressing down lets him or her know that your busy and exciting life takes a lot out of you during the week, and that there’s no chance you’re seeking his attention in class, or that he has crossed your mind since you two have hooked up.
Keep your options open
… And make sure they know just how many options you have!
This one is pure genius. Honestly, ladies, what’s more attractive than a man who constantly reminds you that he has options other than you?
This way it’s like a guessing game of vulnerability and uncertainty. Make sure to remind her of just how wanted you are, so that any false perceptions of dependency are way out of the picture—she’s easily replaceable, and she’ll love feeling this way.
Detach, Detach, Detach!
You know what aren’t cool? Emotions. Developing emotions for one of your hookups is a slippery slope of being perceived as clingy, creepy or, worse, crazy. Keep your social standing strong, and bury any sort of feelings that you might develop for a hookup deep, deep down inside of you. Or, better yet, train yourself to be an emotionless blob that never develops feelings in the first place.
If you can achieve this ideal state of being, never again will you have to worry about your position in the game. You’ll always win.