October 31, 2014
This column covers both silly and serious topics about sex and dating from the perspective of a poetry-loving, feminist psychology major. For topic suggestions, questions or other perspectives on sex in college, please email kcieplic@hamilton.edu.
Over the past few days, images on BuzzFeed and other websites have surfaced depicting ‘the offensive couple’s Halloween costume to trump all offensive couples’ Halloween costumes’. I almost couldn’t believe it, but there it was: costumes depicting a domestic violence perpetrator and survivor. For example, there is “Ray Rice” in his Raven’s jersey and his wife, “Janay Rice,” dressed in a Raven’s jersey and sporting a black eye. In some variations of the costume, the couples are in full black face. Other variations excluded a human female counterpart completely; rather, “Ray Rice” merely dragged a blown up “female doll” in his wake (I wonder why that guy couldn’t get a date to the Halloween party). The real Janay Rice responded to these costumes via Twitter saying, “It’s sad, that my suffering amuses others.”
Of course, policing every Halloween costume for its political correctness would be difficult as the holiday is notoriously tasteless, especially in college. Still, sometimes the portrayal of women this time of year is scarier to me than an American Horror Story marathon. The “Ray Rice and Janay” combination is only the latest offense. A simple Google search of “offensive Halloween costumes” yields vagina masks, women giving birth, giant sanitary pads, a skeleton named “Ana Rexia” and even a naked grandmother suit called “Gropin’ Granny.” Then, of course, outside of the blatantly offensive costumes towards women there are the “sexy” versions of every costume imaginable: sexy firefighter, sexy police officer, sexy Ebola suit, even sexy lobster. Most Halloween costumes on the market tell women that if their bodies are “fit” they need to dress sexy while other “humorous” costumes poke fun at the less desirable aspects of femininity (i.e., periods, aging, eating disorders). Both types of costumes, while meant to be “fun,” end up oppressing women. Yet, despite all of these offensive costumes, the “Ray Rice” and “Janay” costume combination remains the scariest to me.
Domestic violence against women is a real problem in this world, this country and even on Hamilton’s campus. I have known multiple people, mostly women, who were trapped in emotionally abusive relationships here on the Hill (it’s important not to forget that abusive relationships can happen in non-heterosexual relationships and that men can be victims of domestic abuse, but since women make up an overwhelming majority of domestic abuse victims I am going to focus on them). Many people don’t think about the fact that abusive relationships can happen in college. When they think of abuse, they think of a housewife locked at home whose husband beats her when he gets home from a stressful day at work because dinner isn’t on the table in time. Just because abusive relationship dynamics play out differently for college students, that does not mean that these relationships don’t exist.
Emotional abuse is prevalent in colleges (and could even happen at Hamilton) because, unfortunately, some men seem to believe that they should control the way women act and behave. These men (a very small population, but a population on most if not all college campuses just the same) feel the need to know where their girlfriends are and who they are talking to at all times. If they do not know or if they believe the woman has been dishonest, they become aggressive and hostile. In many abusive relationships, when the woman threatens to leave, her abuser uses their own emotions to say they can’t live without her, causing her to feel guilty and stay. The cycle spirals into a situation that is at best emotionally draining and at worst extremely dangerous and psychologically damaging, giving rise to a whole host of mental health problems including anxiety and depression. The emotionally abusive college relationship is insidious but still powerful and dangerous.
To me, both mentally and physically abusive relationship warning signs are not talked about nearly enough. There is a stigma around discussing domestic abuse, some of which likely comes from a woman feeling like the abuse is partially her fault. A sure-fire way to perpetuate the stigma surrounding abusive relationships is to make light of them in any way. A “funny” Halloween costume in which a woman has a black eye from her husband’s abuse does this. The silencing effect of such “humor” is staggering. Whether intentional or not, making fun of domestic abuse normalizes it, telling the abused that their suffering and concerns aren’t a big deal. These “funny” costumes are really furthering the suffering of domestic abuse victims and survivors. Janay Rice is certainly not the only one suffering; these costumes are oppressive to all women. To make fun of domestic violence is to delegitimize domestic violence as an issue in our world, which is a scary prospect when so much progress still needs to be made. The only purple anyone should be wearing in the Annex this Friday are the purple purse key chains sold earlier this semester that show solidarity with women who live with domestic abuse as their reality every day.
Send feedback, comments, and questions to kcieplic or spec@hamilton.edu.
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