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Beers with Ben at The Little Pub

By Ben Fields '15

What is your least favorite thing about humanity?
That’s a tough question. A lot of people can be cruel. That’s really not good. That’s too quick an answer huh? Another thing you could say is that we’re on the edge of wiping out ourselves and every other species in about three different ways I can think of off the top of my head. That’s not a good track record. I honestly think human beings are going to be the death of the planet. But as a general day-to-day, what do I hate about humanity, people are mean, or at least can be.

What is your favorite thing about humanity?
These are tough questions, you understand? See that’s not quite the same as people, that’s where it’s tricky. We smile a lot. Genuine smiles are a nice thing. Dancing is a nice thing. Those are right up there.

Do you believe in aliens?
No. Not in the sense you mean.

Have you ever been offered a bribe?
If I have, I must have responded in such a way that it didn’t get serious.

Do you have a favorite Disney character?
I’m not a Disney fan. But I wore a Mickey Mouse t-shirt all the way through college. And I went to Disney World the first week it was open, in 1974. I had a big breakfast of blueberry pancakes, the first thing there, and then went on the tea cups and nearly spewed all over the park.

If you could have any celebrity as your best friend, who would it be?
Maybe Dolly Parton, I think she’s a wonderful human being.

How much did you drink in college?
Zero. No that’s not quite true. I literally drank one time in college and it was Thanksgiving. It was a dinner at my advisor’s house, and it was Crème de Menthe. It was liquor. And I managed to drink enough that I got sick, and I swore I’d never do it again. I know, that’s unusual. I was also surrounded by people who did all kinds of drugs all the time and I never did that, but I had a fabulous time.

If you could change anything about Hamilton what would you change?
The obvious thing is I would put it somewhere south of Pennsylvania. I hate walking on ice, and it bothers me a lot. The cute answer would be, I’d like all the students to relax. I mean people are too scared, uptight, all the time.

Describe yourself in three words?
Well, that’s embarrassing, I mean what do you say? I mean there’s so much wishful thinking involved. Gee, that’s tough, not because I can’t do it, but because I don’t know if I want it in the newspaper. Well, intellectual, people are going to misread that, but there’s no doubt about it. I just think about things all the time. Second would probably be, I hope I’m a nice person, that’s second. Third, those are clearly the two good ones, modest, that’s true. I mean I brag periodically, but at a deep level I really don’t overplay what I am and what I’ve done. But that’s a tough question, because I’m afraid people will read it and go, ‘Oh, this guy’s full of shit.’

What did you want to be when you were growing up?
That’s easy. Two things: number one, a broadway musical comedy star, which I’d be great at except I can’t sing and I can’t dance. I don’t have the ability, but I would love to be one. Second is a swimming coach, that I could have been, but it’s hard to make a living out of it.

If you weren’t a professor now what would you be?
High school teacher. High school English or social studies teacher. I’ve never thought of myself as a professional scholar, I’m a teacher.

What book are you currently reading for fun?
The problem I have with that is that I can never remember what I’m reading, and a read a ton of books for fun. The latest book I’m reading for fun is a book about what’s wrong with the way sociologists do quantitative multivariable analysis, kind of a statistics book. And I mean for fun, it has nothing to do with my classes, and I’m sitting in the bathtub at night reading this book.

I know you said you don’t sing…
I used to, in high school let’s say I was a passable singer.

But if you had to pick a Hamilton faculty member to sing karaoke with, who would it be?
Now, actually, I sang karaoke in a bar a couple of years ago. I picked Stevie Ray Vaughan’s “Pride and Joy”. It actually came out not bad. And then I did something else which was a terrible mistake. I’m thinking of the creative possibilities, because this person is going to notice this. Deborah Pokinski, in Art History.

What superhero would you be, and if you could dress up as them, would you?
Green Lantern. If you had the chance to do it, would you? No. And the only reason I pick Green Lantern is for some reason as a kid I thought it was an appealing character. I have no idea what he is or what his powers are or anything, I have no earthly idea. So, it’s not based on super powers, purely aesthetics.

If you could say anything to any world leader past or present, who would you talk to and what would you say?
Oh God, one of those questions! Hmm, I probably couldn’t say that in the paper. See I’ve just never had any desire, never been interested in meeting such people. Well, Jimmy Carter, and I would say: you’ve done way more good for the world than anyone gives you credit for. And he’s almost heard it from me.

What dorm would you live in?
Yeah, when I was in college I really liked living in a suite. I had a single room but shared bathrooms, shared eating, all that. I love certain elements of dormitory life. What’s funny is a lot of students here will have a fabulous time in college, and a large part of it is because they’re living in a dorm. And then, they’ll go out and spend the rest of their lives trying to live in a big house as far away from other people, and they wonder why they’re unhappy.

Where would you have your office if you could put it anywhere on campus?
Oh! It would be not where it is. Oh god. When they redesigned the building, early on I was actually on the committee, and I made a big pitch for putting faculty offices up at the front of the building. So they put all the econ and all the government offices up in the front of the building. And then stuck me and my department way in the middle of nowhere. I hate it. I would put my office where KJ 101 is. I would put my office in the front of KJ with a big glass window on the front. I’m in my office because I want to see students.

If you could go back in time to any era, when and where would you go?
That’s easy. To when I was in college, A) Because I love being in college, B) Because I think it was the best time for America. The early ‘70s. Vietnam was ending, Civil Rights Movement appeared to be successful—which it turned out not to be—women’s rights were coming on and seemed to have good momentum. People had a lot of hope, and that’s not the case now. The only thing better about now compared to then, is our anesthesia is better. That is medical anesthesia works better now.

Where would you go on your dream vacation?
It’s a dream right? To be 30-years-old on a beach on Santa Bell Island in Florida, with a woman who once asked to go to Santa Bell Island with me.

If they were to make a biopic about your life, who would play you?
See I don’t know actors and stuff well enough to answer that. Although, I kind of think Ben Stiller and I have something in common. I used to have hair, just so you know. I think actually Ben Stiller is the closest thing.

Favorite word?
I bet my students can answer that actually. Prepredicative, it’s not my favorite word, but it’s one of my favorite concepts. 

Least favorite word?
Very, totally useless. [Via email, Professor Chambliss updated this to aspect.]

Favorite curse word?
Oh man, this is tough. That’s serious, let me think. Boogers. B-o-o-g-e-r-s.

Sound that you love?
Chickadees in the morning.

Sound that you hate?
Yeah, the beeping of trucks when they back up, I don’t like that. That’s kind of a weak answer.

Is there a profession you would never do?
Lots. Oh yeah, most. Debt collector is bad.

Assuming heaven exists, what would you want God or St. Peter to say to you?
The pool is over there; here are your sunglasses.

What would he actually say?
It’s heaven, that’s what he would say.

Three things on a desert island?
The collected works of Nietzsche, that’d be the first. A pen and my grandchildren.

Have you ever killed a man just to watch him die?
Like Johnny Cash? I’m taking it metaphorically, no. I mean once I sort of think about it, no. In the sense of doing something negative just to see it happen, I can’t recall ever doing that.

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