Features
How to survive without your Hill Card
By Sophie Gaulkin ’17
February 4, 2016
Tags features
It helps you pick up packages; it gets you books from the library; it does your laundry, it feeds you; it gets you home at night; and it even used to be a Discovery Card until March 2014. It’s the glue that holds together each and every Hamilton student, the foundation to a successful Hamilton experience and the means to life itself on this campus. Without it, all hope can seem utterly lost. It’s the Hamilton Hill Card, a device praised by the Hill Card information page as the “system [that] makes exterior keys obsolete.” As priceless as these small pieces of plastic may be, they’re misplaced constantly (I’ve lost mine for a multiple-day period over 10 times, as of last week, but it’s still a vintage 2013 model). Nobody wants to pay the 20-dollar fee to replace it, which is why this campus is in dire need of a Hill Card survival guide—to get you through a maximum of two weeks sans Hill Card until you’re reunited at last.
After realizing you may have lost your Hill Card, the first thing to remember is not to panic. Don’t blame yourself—we all only realize the true value of what we love when it’s gone. Before any other measures are taken, consider taking proactive measures to prevent any further damage. Evidently, students are able to freeze and unfreeze lost Hill Cards, which can save you a lot of money that could wind up spent on someone else’s snacks from the vending machine or on laundry costs. If you refrain from doing so, you have the option to view transaction history online—a possible clue that can help you find your missing card. Think of yourself as Liam Neeson and your Hill Card as his daughter in Taken. Don’t give up on your Hill Card, because your Hill Card has never given up on you.
After taking the necessary precautions and getting yourself into the proper emotional state for this endeavor, assemble a close but large support group—teamwork is the most important way to avoid paying that hefty ransom. The more people involved, the better—you can only ask a friend for one or two bonuses before they lose sympathy. It’s best to spread out your dependency on people as much as possible. For instance, your support group is also useful for doing laundry. Just ask to borrow their Hill Card and pay them back in cold, hard quarters. This can also be applied to borrowing books from the library. As Alexis Stroemer ’18 eloquently summed up, “A good friend will be there for you during hard times, but a best friend will be there for you even when you lose your Hill Card.”
The majority of the difficulty is mere coordination and timing. Familiarize yourself with your team members’ schedules so they can let you into your dorm at night. If you know what time they’re going to lunch or dinner, send them a quick text to pick up some apples for you, for example.
Another important reminder is that beggars can’t be choosers, especially hungry ones. Food is always the most difficult and most necessary part of staying strong in resisting buying a replacement Hill Card. Get used to accepting food when it’s available. Friends can grab extra fruit from the dining halls, but smuggling out hot food can be too ambitious. Think of it as the ultimate paleo-vegan-gluten-free diet. Sure, you might miss out on filling, prepared food, but you have the unparalleled opportunity to get back to the roots of humanity as a scavenger/gatherer.
If apples, bananas, and pears as the sole source of energy are just no longer cutting it after a few days or even a week, don’t forget to check your email for the latest free-food opportunities. On any given day, there is at least one event offering refreshments free of charge. This is especially true at the beginning of the semester, when clubs and organizations try to win the attention of new students.
Clearly, there are a variety of different options to function at the same level as Hill Card-holding students, so have no fear: you can make it through this dark, Hill Card-less time, as long as you have your friends. Besides, $20 dollars for a piece of plastic is just too much when you can get by without it.